Parenting Book Review - The 5 Love Languages of Children

The 5 Love Languages of Children

by: Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell

Initial Impression before reading:

Andrew and I read the original 5 Love Languages book for couples shortly after we were married (10 years ago) so I was familiar with the concepts of a primary language for each person and the need to learn to speak that language to convey love. It makes sense that the same would be true for children. I was looking forward to learning how to determine a child's love language.

Run down of the book:

Chapter 1: Introduction to the Emotional (Love) Tank
Chapters 2-6: 5 Love Languages explained
Chapter 7: Determining primary love language based on age
Chapters 8-10: Further applications - discipline, learning/motivation, and anger management

Additional information:
Chapter 11: Explanation and applications for single parents
Chapter 12: 5 love languages in marriage promo
Epilogue: Notes from authors about what might be ahead for the reader

Lowlights:

There were some low-key generalizations about boys or girls that I could have done without (nothing terrible, just distracting for me). I also found the insertion of Christian references a bit stilted at times, sometimes they had value added for me but other times, sadly not.

As a whole I did not like the chapter on discipline, though the piece about Making Requests and Love Before and After Discpline helped redeem it a bit for me.

I understand why they included chapter 12, but found it a bit tacky that they basically used an entire chapter to promote their other book. Perhaps, they were thinking it would be helpful for people who weren't ever going to buy it?

Highlights:

Children under age 4 need all five love languages spoken to them, continuing with all as they age, but if your child is needing an extra boost of love, focus on their primary love language. The more I read through chapters 2-6, the more I realized how important it is to provide each child with love from all the languages.

There were many highlights within chapters 2 to 6. I really like that they gave examples from real children of how they felt their parents loved them because they showed their love using the child's primary love language (or didn't love them because they withheld it). Each of these chapters ended with a list of practical applications for demonstrating your love using that love language. I also love all the really great nuggets of insight such as these:

The authors outlined five specific ways to learn how to determine your child's primary love language in chapter seven. I view it a bit like being on a secret mission:

1. Observe How Your Child Expresses Love to You
2. Observe How Your Child Expresses Love to Others
3. Listen to What Your Child Requests Most Often
4. Notice What Your Child Most Frequently Complains About
5. Give Your Child a Choice Between Two Options 

I liked that also give suggestions based on age on how to pinpoint their preferred language as they present differently.

Chapter 9 had some good examples on how to use your child's love language to motivate them and have them feeling confident as they go to school - which impacts their ability to focus and do well.

The anger management chapter (10) started slow for me, but it got better after the first couple pages. Learning to help your child mature in anger management is something I think all parents will find useful.

The epilogue's final page contains the concept of an individualized set of requirements to be a good parent. While I wouldn't choose the same requirements as the author I did like the premise and wrote my own. The first was taken from this book.

1. Keep my children's emotional love tanks full - speak the five love languages.

Conclusion/Recommendations:

This was a fairly quick read. For a good in-depth understanding of the love languages chapters 1-7 are all that are needed. Of the other chapters, the only one I whole-heartedly recommend is chapter 10, everything else was fine but not necessary at this point in my parenting journey.