Emotional Side of Nursing
Originally written June 2014 (but not published) when Little E was one.
Listen to your body. I took it quite slow at the beginning. After Little E's early arrival I was relatively shell-shocked. Andrew was encouraging me to nurse, even pressuring a bit once I got out of the ACOU and onto the regular maternity ward. (He knew going into this experience that I wanted to exclusively breast feed). I think his go to phrase was, "Courtney, you told me this is what you want. I think you should at least try right now. I'll tell the nurse."
At first all I wanted to do was hold my baby and look at him. Then I was feeling more confident and actually cuddled him and fed him from the bottle. Then we did some skin to skin. And then we tried nursing.
For me, and maybe for a lot of first-time moms, it felt unnatural and at the same time natural. One of those weird experiences. Where your head tells you "This is strange" while your body says "We were made to do this".
It was a lot of work to get him to latch. He came at me like some kind of animal attacking. Maybe a snake... He would shake his head with mouth wide open side to side and then with increasing speed, still shaking, latch on with a loud "homh" fake biting sound. It was hilarious!
I should also note Little E had very poor head control and so I had to guide him on to nurse every time until he had full up and down head control (which came at 4.5 months) and also full side to side head control (maybe around 6 months). Now, at one year, I can lay him in front of me and he can latch on 100% by himself. So not only was I required to provide the milk and be there during nursing, I had to support his head and get him latched well (as do all moms who nurse). I greatly underestimated how much this would be emotionally draining.
I had some mothers tell me how wonderful nursing was. It was a great bonding experience for them with their children. I now understand this - I didn't for the first months.
At the beginning I was exhausted just getting him latched. Then he'd be eating and I'd sit there and look at him. He was cute! But really I was just as happy giving him a bottle. I neither liked nor disliked nursing. I just did it.
Then there was the fun of burping. He was a crappy burper. It took a long time and he would be crying in pain the whole time... it sucked.
Then time passed, and I wasn't worried (as much) about supply and he got stronger and could latch better and wouldn't eat as long. He'd look up at me and smile. Nursing became much cuter and much more convenient than bottle-feeding. Now he'll giggle if I make a funny face or I can tickle him in between sides or even while he's nursing and he'll smile. I get cuddles after he's done eating.
He's eventually started burping spontaneously, instead of after 10 minutes of burping. Life has gotten easier.
Now of course he's moving on to eating solids and that's a whole new ball game. But it's made me appreciate the convenience of nursing. I think it's also turned me into one of those moms who likes nursing because of the time spent with her baby! I never thought that would be me after the beginning we had!
I really just wanted to say you don't have to like breastfeeding. It's normal if you don't (at least it was my experience).
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Listen to your body. I took it quite slow at the beginning. After Little E's early arrival I was relatively shell-shocked. Andrew was encouraging me to nurse, even pressuring a bit once I got out of the ACOU and onto the regular maternity ward. (He knew going into this experience that I wanted to exclusively breast feed). I think his go to phrase was, "Courtney, you told me this is what you want. I think you should at least try right now. I'll tell the nurse."
At first all I wanted to do was hold my baby and look at him. Then I was feeling more confident and actually cuddled him and fed him from the bottle. Then we did some skin to skin. And then we tried nursing.
For me, and maybe for a lot of first-time moms, it felt unnatural and at the same time natural. One of those weird experiences. Where your head tells you "This is strange" while your body says "We were made to do this".
It was a lot of work to get him to latch. He came at me like some kind of animal attacking. Maybe a snake... He would shake his head with mouth wide open side to side and then with increasing speed, still shaking, latch on with a loud "homh" fake biting sound. It was hilarious!
I should also note Little E had very poor head control and so I had to guide him on to nurse every time until he had full up and down head control (which came at 4.5 months) and also full side to side head control (maybe around 6 months). Now, at one year, I can lay him in front of me and he can latch on 100% by himself. So not only was I required to provide the milk and be there during nursing, I had to support his head and get him latched well (as do all moms who nurse). I greatly underestimated how much this would be emotionally draining.
I had some mothers tell me how wonderful nursing was. It was a great bonding experience for them with their children. I now understand this - I didn't for the first months.
At the beginning I was exhausted just getting him latched. Then he'd be eating and I'd sit there and look at him. He was cute! But really I was just as happy giving him a bottle. I neither liked nor disliked nursing. I just did it.
Then there was the fun of burping. He was a crappy burper. It took a long time and he would be crying in pain the whole time... it sucked.
Then time passed, and I wasn't worried (as much) about supply and he got stronger and could latch better and wouldn't eat as long. He'd look up at me and smile. Nursing became much cuter and much more convenient than bottle-feeding. Now he'll giggle if I make a funny face or I can tickle him in between sides or even while he's nursing and he'll smile. I get cuddles after he's done eating.
He's eventually started burping spontaneously, instead of after 10 minutes of burping. Life has gotten easier.
Now of course he's moving on to eating solids and that's a whole new ball game. But it's made me appreciate the convenience of nursing. I think it's also turned me into one of those moms who likes nursing because of the time spent with her baby! I never thought that would be me after the beginning we had!
I really just wanted to say you don't have to like breastfeeding. It's normal if you don't (at least it was my experience).
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