Potty Training Strategy

This is a really long post, so bear with me... and let me know if you're starting or in the midst of potty training. I'm happy to be your cheerleader.

Timing

This is mostly about parent readiness and less about child readiness. Of course you want your child to have many / most of the signs of readiness, as it's unlikely they'll be successful without them. But you also need to be prepared - have the right stuff, have a plan, and be in the right state of mind.

Take a look at this child and parent readiness checklist.

Once I felt somewhat confident about E's and my own readiness I waited until his daycare was going to be closed for 2 weeks, so that we could have the consistency at home to best start off this potty training journey. Sadly this coincided with Andrew being on a business trip. So I was solo-parenting this major transition.

Preparation

Do you have the essentials?

Where are you going to spend your day? We chose our playroom. I'd rather not sit in a bathroom all day. It's also a good idea to avoid carpets if you can so we removed the rug, leaving just wood floors and the plastic play mat and brought in the potty. 

How are you going to make this fun?

• We tidied up our play room and only let E bring toys out one or two at a time so we had lots of room to play and not a lot of toys on the floor in case of an accident.
• Music in combination with singing, dancing and playing instruments.
• TV time.
• We had a little more than usual, but we're really stingy with it to start. 
• Stop the show multiple times (even if it's a 10 minute show) to remind them to go potty right away if needed. 
• Take a 5-15 min break between short shows and play so they can realize if they need to pee/poop or not, as it's a major distraction from knowing if they need to pee.
• Crafts, playdough, drawing with chalk and markers.
• Set up something special. We chose a Potty Fort. I've known people who had Panty Parties.

My sister posted about potty training themed music and TV shows on Of The North. Check it out!

The PLAN Itself

There are lots of potty training strategies out there. I'll detail ours, but check out this list of potty training strategies for other options.

1. Have toddler go bare-bummed. E wore a long sleeved shirt and leg warmers - it was March.

Show your child the potty in the room. Explain that if they think they need to pee or poop they sit on the potty, relax and give it a try. Do not place your child on the potty (help them sit down if they need it) but give them the freedom to choose themselves. Be very excited when they have successes at each step (identifying the need, holding it until sitting, getting it in the potty, wiping, flushing and hand-washing) and take accidents in stride. I carried the potty into the bathroom and emptied it, but let E flush, then helped him wash up.

• This means staying home and being consistent until they get it, hopefully just a few days but could be longer (and yes, it's hard, mentally exhausting work on the parent's part).

After 2 days pee-accident free we added underwear. Then loose thin pants, then back to pants made from normal material (jeans, khakis) with elastic waist, then buttoned up pants.

2. Language and a plan for accidents

Never force toddler to use the potty, but give clear behaviour instructions in general so that children aren’t tempted to use toilet learning as a testing ground. This sensitive and complex area of development needs to remain free and clear of power struggles.

Observe. Become a practiced observer. When children seem to be signalling an urge to eliminate (by touching their crotch, pressing their legs together, etc.), ask matter-of-factly if they would like to use the potty. Calmly accept no for an answer.
If there are accidents, remain calm and positive, reinforcing that the child is doing a great job with the potty and that accidents happen. Ask them if they would like to go to the potty now? Ask again in a few minutes if they declined.
Praise. Don't criticize when they have an accident. Praise them for going to the potty. When they do have an accident make sure they understand that's part of learning to be a big kid/use the potty and that we'll try next time to listen to our bodies.

If possible, during the training phase, I avoided asking E directly if he needed to go potty. Just gave him lots of time to learn about the urges and decide himself to hold it, move to the potty and then eliminate. Sample phrases:

• If you have to go potty... stop and go right away. 
• We taught E this phrase from the Daniel the Tiger song. We say the first section, E says the 2nd. This way he's acknowledged what we're asking - Do you have to go potty? without us saying it. Giving him full independence to make the choice to go.
• Pooping makes your belly happy.
• Are you listening to your body? Your body gives you hints/signs that it's time to pee and poop (explain).
• I think I see your body trying to tell you to pee.

Avoid words that make going to the bathroom seem naughty, such as 'stinky' or 'dirty' or 'yucky'. Also, try to keep your body language and facial expressions neutral or happy. This is hard to do when you're inches from a toddler for 20 minutes while they're pooping!

3. Reward system

There are many different theories about reward systems. Basically each child is different and some won't need a reward and others will.

Try without a toy/sticker/candy/tv reward system first. There are 2 innate rewards with potty training.

• Flushing the toilet (only when they've put pee or poop in their potty, not for other people's).
• Getting to wear underwear.

If they're having problems with either peeing or pooping, but not both, then consider instituting a reward system only for the one function.

• For poop we did eventually go with a reward system. E was very uncertain about pooping on the potty. The diaper, floor and underwear all seemed like better options to him. 
• Stickers on a poop chart.
• To start, 2 poops got a small toy. Then 4 poops for a toy, etc. He got 4 toys total but we kept adding stickers to the chart afterwards.
• Pooping is still a work in progress months later. He stopped having accidents in his underwear after a couple weeks, but then moved to a combination of pooping on the potty and holding it until nap time when he was wearing a diaper. He's now becoming more independent in choosing to try to poop on the potty and being more verbal telling us before he poops!

4. Ask them to try to go to the potty before leaving the house. Don't force or coax, just ask.

• To avoid creating a power struggle surrounding potty training you have to be willing for them to have accidents - at home as well as in the car and in public.
• So ask them to try to go before leaving the house. Explain it's okay if they don't pee. Try with them (model behaviour).
• Sample conversation: "E it's time to try to go potty before we leave the house." "I don't have to go." "Okay, it's a 5 minute drive, there will be a potty there if you need to use it then." (Maybe would push this more if they continually have accidents in the car, or it was a long drive).
• The Daniel Tiger book recommended has a section about going potty before leaving the house.

5. In the car

• In the beginning, for any drive we brought a potty with us in the trunk. Eventually he could hold it long enough that we could pull into a restaurant or just the side of the road, then even longer.
• Place a pee pad/disposable change mat in the car seat. This will help protect the car seat and minimize the work cleaning it if they have an accident.
• It held a large-size pee on a 1.5 hour car trip when E fell asleep and emptied his bladder.
• We also used these pads for "air time" when E was a baby and had a bad diaper rash.

6. A plan for naps & bed time

We are currently sticking with diapers. Once E is consistently staying dry at nap in a cloth diaper, we will move to thick training pants and then down to underwear. Since he sleeps 2.5-3.5 hours most afternoons and still poops 1-2 times a week in his nap this might not happen for a bit.

Whether it's cloth diapers or thick cloth training pants, having your child feel being wet when they're sleeping better allows and motivates them to learn to hold it during sleep.

We'll play it by ear, but after nap-training is successful and avoiding other major transitions we will begin to get E up to go pee before we go to bed (between 11pm-12am). Then once he stays dry in at night in a cloth diaper, we will move to training pants and then just to pajamas!

For more on potty training: